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Carl was ... unusual. His black coat matched his hair and shoes. Carl always wore a black toupee. Diner patrons referred to Carl’s toupee as, “Hair by Monsanto.” Others mumbled that Carl’s hair had more petroleum than most oil cans.Carl thought his black shoes rendered him invisible. Invisible meant safe and Carl lived for safety. The owner of a serious case of agoraphobia, Carl rarely ventured out and when he did, it was almost always to a place he felt safe.Last Chance was one place Carl felt he could cope. The people had far better targets than his overweight, bald and grotesquely out of shape body. His coke bottle lens glasses and rumpled clothing gave him a high school, nerdy kind of look. The seemingly unavoidable body odor and obsessive use of hand sanitizer, coupled with a compulsive need to “explain” things made even the most tolerant Last Chance customer, rigidly intolerant. That left him pretty much left out and safely invisible.Carl won a disability award in 1978, due to. I know guys who’ve, in contemporary parlance (don’t you LOVE a good English education?), ‘hooked up’ with uncountable numbers. I can’t do that. I tried, with some modicum of success, at least by whatever measures one might measure such things. Grandpa is notorious for popping out some rather unusual sayings.“My grandson’s in college,” he acknowledged at a family gathering. The men of the family were in the den of Mom and Dad’s house and Grandpa was being feisty. “Boy,” he said, fixing me in his gaze, “You getting your knob polished regularly?”I turned so red I think I glowed.“Pop!!!” Dad spat.“Well, boy,” Grandpa said, “Thet’s what college kids do these days.”Grandpa looked at me, smiling. “You don’t have to answer.”The answer was a qualified ‘yes’. I felt empty. Wrong. So, since, as Dad says, ‘Nobody’s holding a gun to your head’, I stopped. I mean, you can be social, even friendly, and to a certain level, sexual, without crossing the line I’d accepted.Now there’s Mimi. Mimi, folks,.
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